Music appreciation - start young

C. and I attended a three-day folk music festival this past weekend. It's the same festival where we officially fell in love two years ago (it rained on us for eight hours that year -- it was sunny and perfect this year), so it will always be something special for us -- and something that is just ours.

Many people in attendance brought their children. C. and I discussed it, and we decided there are a few windows of childhood when that works -- infancy up to about a year (maybe age 2) and then again after about age 12. This conclusion was based mostly on observation of the children in the 3-11 range. The younger set were hot and tired -- and whiny as a result (who can blame them? Twelve hours in the sun is a long, long time!). The older ones just couldn't keep still or quiet -- and many of them made endless demands for food, face painting and treats.

There were a few notable exceptions. A family near us had two boys -- I'd guess they were about 8 and 10 -- and they were delightful. They listened quietly. They played board games with the adults. They read their books. I noticed one of them wearing a science fair t-shirt, and it made me wonder if children who are drawn to science are better able to cope with adult events like a music festival. Is it because their minds are more easily occupied with ideas and observation?

I think it's wonderful to expose children to music. I wish parents did more of that, but a lot of these children didn't even listen to the music. Most of them were off chasing friends or playing in the nearby creek. (At $35+ per ticket, that's some expensive play time.) It made me wish the parents would make them just sit - and just listen - even for a little while. I really think children are more capable of appreciating culture than their parents expect. They are also more capable of being respectful and polite than anyone seems to demand anymore.

In any case, C. and I won't be bringing his kids or our future children to this particular festival. This one is ours.

However, it did inspire me to expose the kids to  more art, music and culture and help them appreciate the beauty of observation and quiet enjoyment -- as a nice contrast and balance to their much-needed noisy playtime.

What if we get bored?

As a new stepmom, I am entering more fully the world of children's activities, cartoons, books and games. Up until now, I have watched from the sidelines as my sisters and friends chauffered their children to various activities, events and appointments -- all set to a soundtrack of Bob the Builder and Disney theme songs.

Sometimes, though, parents need activities that are just for them -- with no trace of princesses (don't even get me started), Spiderman or talking vegetables.

Friday night, my parents invited my sisters and me to a free Dixieland jazz show with the Queen City Jazz Band. When we were growing up, my folks took us to see this band at a variety of free concerts in the park, so there was some nostalgia attached to the event. I also have a personal love of all things jazz in nearly all its iterations.

I told C. I planned to go, and he and the kids were welcome to come, if they'd like. They did join us -- as did three out of four of my nephews.

On the drive down to the concert, Annie* (my stepdaughter) asked, "What if me and brother get bored?"

Hmm, what if the kids did get bored? Just what tragedy would ensue? Boredom -- is it the horror of all horrors to be avoided at any cost by parents everywhere?

The truth is, "boredom" allows a person's mind a free moment for creativity. I remember creating elaborate stories for myself as a child during many "boring" car trips (we didn't have car DVDs back then!), "boring" classical concerts and "boring" dinners at real restaurants (no ball pits, clown characters or free toys in the Merry Meal) with my parents.

Children do not need to be catered to and entertained every second of the day. Sadly, many parents give in (or give up?) and set up the portable DVD player during breakfast out at a cafe (what happened to food being the "event"?), or pop in a video game in the car on long road trips (doesn't anyone play the alphabet game anymore, or - gasp - look at the view?).

Parents have a bigger job than serving as personal social and event organizers for their children. They must help children learn about the world, learn how to think critically for themselves, discover how to create their own stories and grow into adults who enjoy life and all that it has to offer.

Life is about more than plugging in a machine for ready-made entertainment. Sometimes, a child is better served with little more than a pen and paper -- and a bored moment.

Friday night, my parents, sisters, C., five children and I lined up in two rows to listen to some good live music. Those five children listened, watched, pretended to drum along and practiced "conducting" the band. They also took advantage of boredom to doodle and write, and show their parents the results of their creativity.

They did beautifully. They had FUN (my 9-year-old nephew reported that the evening was "awesome!"). Their brains absorbed a little healthy music (which studies have shown aids brain development).

Oh, and their parents (and stepparents, in my case) were able to enjoy a little grown-up time. The singer had us all on our feet by the end, belting out "When the Saints Go Marching In." (Which elicited a few eye rolls from the younger set at how embarrassing their parents were acting - ha! I, for one, am not the least bit worried about being embarrassing.)

As I have said before, music feeds my soul. I needed that night out, and I am happy I was able to share it with my husband and stepkids.

Spongebob, Speed Racer, Cinderella and Dora - step aside. Tonight, we prefer to be "bored."

*Names changed