Monday, November 30, 2009


I am just plain having a hard day. We received some more bad news yesterday in relation to the kids and their mom. (I worked very hard right then to restrain myself from adding a colorful adjective before the word "mom.")

I cried several times yesterday and this morning, and I do have to say that I am so thankful for the restorative power of tears. My sister always says she suspects that women's tears must be an outlet for some of our pent-up hormones. :) I think she might be right, because a good cry always makes me feel better.

This weekend of tears started when we watched "Marley & Me" Saturday night. (I had never seen it.) Being a dog lover, I always cry when the dog dies -- so, of course, I cried. Sure, the tears were about the movie dog, the four dogs I had growing up, the dog I have now (and the thought of someday saying goodbye to her)... but they were about more than that. They were about childhood memories and family dreams. I can't even begin to list the number of personal images brought to the surface by that movie.

Right now, I am in the process of creating a new family with C. and his kids, while trying to maintain the close connection I have with my parents, sisters, brothers-in-law, nephews and other extended family. I am also holding fiercely to the dreams I have for what out future family will be.

As with everything in life, reality rarely matches the expectation or the preconceived image. Tears are nature's gift for grieving lost expectations. Tears allow you to release and hopefully let go, which is necessary for embracing life as it is rather than life as you dreamed it would be.


  1. These changes are so hard to get through. Three years ago I was given the term "new normal", as in, this way of living life is the "new normal" and it will feel normal someday. But it sure is a hard transition, and you've got some extra challenges with the whole thing. I'm thinking of you and C and the kids, and I know that you all will get through this in time. Sending you hugs, and looking forward to seeing you soon.

  2. I'm so sorry you're having a hard day! Many hugs and I hope everything improves for you soon

  3. It really is tough to realize that things aren't turning out the way you expect them to. You can make adjustments as you hold your dreams, though, and shed a few tears, and go on with a new expectation.