Sunday, January 31, 2010

Six months

Today is the two-year anniversary of my first date with C. I remember how I felt when he laughed at a joke I made -- I will always remember the way he smiled and his eyes lit up.

Last week was the six-month anniversary of our marriage. I remember telling my dad before we went down the aisle, "This is my wedding." I beamed as C. shared his beautiful self-written vows with me.
I am so lucky.

I have learned so much more from C. than any other romantic partner I have had. He has shown me that:

- love is not reserved for the very young; people with a little more wear on the tread and a little history can find true love together (and I think in a lot of ways, we cherish it a bit more).
- love survives disagreements and different perspectives.
- honesty is truly the best policy; I don't have to hold back, I can say what I feel and show who I really am.
- that a hug or simple touch can smooth over even the worst day.
- I can trust someone - he has my back and I have his.
- being partners sometimes means helping the other person face the uncomfortable in the name of growth.
- dreams are better when shared.
- there is so much more to life than work; we have more to accomplish in this life together than earning kudos from the boss.

- there is nobody else I would rather wake up to each day.
- I am beautiful, even in the morning when I have matted hair and raccoon eyes. :)
- I can let someone take care of me; it feels good.
- respect is the most important ingredient in any relationship.
- guy humor is actually funny sometimes.
- ok, bacon is good. (So much for my vegetarian leanings.)

There's so much more. I just wanted to mark this day.

Love is the thing...

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Little thing meditation

It has been a rough couple of weeks, and I am in the midst of a mild depression. I know I will snap out of it, but I'm not quite there yet.

In the meantime, reminding myself of the little things for which I am grateful or just the little things that make me smile, helps.

Here are my little things from the past several days:

-- I had a blissful massage and chocolate body wrap on Friday (a gift from C.). During the body wrap, the girl left me alone for about 30 minutes. My mind literally went blank. It was amazing.

-- I took my dog to her favorite dog park yesterday. It is now a 45-minute drive, but so worth it. We have space to actually hike together and she gets to stop and play with the occasional dog. They installed agility equipment since we were last there, and I had fun running her through the course.

-- After that, I took her to my folks' house -- where I talked to my parents and my dog played for hours with their dog.

-- I had a four-day weekend. I didn't think about work once.

-- I had lunch with my sisters on Friday. I am so thrilled we all live in the same state again and can do that now.

-- C. and I went to the local brewery for dinner Friday night. I enjoyed the brown ale I tried and the time with C.

-- Yesterday was a beautiful, warm day.

-- I started my drawing class last week. Tonight is my second class. It feels good to do something new - and something that is just for me.

-- I get the house to myself tonight, because C. is traveling. I always miss him when he goes, but I also enjoy some solitude.

-- I had a delicious Maine lobster roll on Saturday night when we went out with friends. Yum!

-- The office is relatively quiet today and I am letting work stuff roll off my back.


Any good little things in your life this week??

Wednesday, January 13, 2010


I have always longed for a sense of true community. Now that we have moved and life has changed so much, I don't really feel like part of a community at all.

I don't know my neighbors, and I wouldn't have a clue who to call nearby in an emergency.

I am working on new ways to build community that is physically close by. I signed up for a class at an arts organization just down the street. It began last night and there are three other ladies and me. We shall see - it might lead to some new friendships, or even just a closer connection to the organization itself.

C. and I are looking into a new gym. Maybe we can meet a few friends there.

On the flip side, I do have a very strong community of family and friends. Although they don't live close by, they feel close. It makes such a huge difference to know I am connected to them.

I have also found several online communities that have made me feel so welcome. Most recently, I found an online group for other stepmoms. Yay! I really need a group of people who understand the stress and frustrations particular to being a stepmom.

It is a lifelong goal of mine to continue to find and create community. I'm working on it.

If anyone has tried something that has worked, let me know. I'd love some new ideas!

Monday, January 4, 2010

What 2009 taught me

Happy New Year, everyone. Ringing in a new year always excites me and always makes me reflect on the past one.

I had an excellent 2009 -- the economy, the politicians, the media and world chaos be damned. It began with a proposal of marriage from C. at 12:01 on January 1, 2009. It ended with a new year's kiss from my husband (yes, C. -- I did say yes) at 12:00 January 1, 2010.

The year 2009 taught me:

~ Surprises are just as exciting as an adult as they were in childhood. C.'s proposal was the best surprise I have ever received and he is the best gift I have ever been given.

~ There are so many more important things to worry about, so stop stressing about the small things. When I look back to my 2009 freak-outs about save-the-date cards, bridesmaid dresses and refinishing my kitchen cabinets, I just have to shake my head in shame. The year brought many more important events and challenges that were worth my time.

~ Small things matter. Don't stress about them, but enjoy them. Every single day is full of simple, small gifts just waiting to be enjoyed. All it takes is a little patience and attention to notice and savor them.

~ Love is reborn every single day. Don't stop telling your spouse how much you love him/her after the vows have been said. Daily reminders in actions and in words can truly make the difference between a happy marriage and an unhappy one.

~ Time is the best gift. Don't squander it. Use it well. Share it with the people you love first and then carefully choose how to spend the rest.

~ Children are loud. :) They are also full of unfiltered joy, wonder, curiosity, energy and simple wisdom. We have much to learn from them.

~ You can choose who is important in your life. The naysayers, the back-stabbers and everyone who wishes you ill need not occupy your thoughts for a half second. Choose to give your energy to the people who deserve it.

~ Getting older is liberating. On New Year's Eve this year, I was dressed in warm trousers, boots and a long, heavy coat. The 22-year-olds were dressed in barely-there plunging minis and not even a sweater -- let alone a coat. I was thrilled to be the older, warmer one. ;) I wouldn't go back for a minute.

~ Learning new things keeps your heart young. I received my SCUBA certification a couple of weeks before our wedding and went on my first official dive on our honeymoon in Hawaii. I can't even explain the feeling of swimming right by a shark and watching giant green sea turtles sleeping underwater. SCUBA was waaayyyy outside my comfort zone, and I am so glad I stuck it out.

~ You are stronger than you think. You are, trust me.

~ Accept that you don't know everything -- and that you don't have to. Nobody has a secret playbook for life. Enjoy the figuring it out as you go along, accept the mistakes, learn the lessons and keep placing one foot in front of the other.

~ Your heart has room for everyone. Love is not a finite resource. Let yourself connect to new friends and new people. Life grows in proportion to the growth of love in all its forms.

Here's hoping that 2010 brings many good lessons and many gifts for us all. Enjoy it!