Building thanks

I am starting week two of a 30-day challenge to say only positive things to and about my husband.


The challenge encourages vocalizing thanks and praise for all the good things your spouse does - large and small - every day.


I have always believed in focusing on the bright side. When life is particularly challenging, the bright side for me is often found in the smallest pleasures of everyday life. However, it is still far too easy to fall into the trap of negative thinking.


Making a conscious effort to be grateful and vocalize thanks to your spouse every single day forces you to seek out the positive. Some days, it's a bit of a stretch; but I have found something positive to say every day to C. or to my friends and family about C. The result is an overall increased feeling of goodwill, love and affection for my husband.


I believe this practice can be applied to every aspect of life, and I plan to challenge myself to do just that. Work. Stepmotherhood. Commuting. Even the kids' mom (yikes, that will be a challenge; but it will be worth it if it will help me let go of some anger related to her).


Here's a little jazz positivity break to get you in the mood:

Read

The Sunny Side Of The Street Lyrics

here.

Six months

Today is the two-year anniversary of my first date with C. I remember how I felt when he laughed at a joke I made -- I will always remember the way he smiled and his eyes lit up.

Last week was the six-month anniversary of our marriage. I remember telling my dad before we went down the aisle, "This is my wedding." I beamed as C. shared his beautiful self-written vows with me.
I am so lucky.

I have learned so much more from C. than any other romantic partner I have had. He has shown me that:

- love is not reserved for the very young; people with a little more wear on the tread and a little history can find true love together (and I think in a lot of ways, we cherish it a bit more).
- love survives disagreements and different perspectives.
- honesty is truly the best policy; I don't have to hold back, I can say what I feel and show who I really am.
- that a hug or simple touch can smooth over even the worst day.
- I can trust someone - he has my back and I have his.
- being partners sometimes means helping the other person face the uncomfortable in the name of growth.
- dreams are better when shared.
- there is so much more to life than work; we have more to accomplish in this life together than earning kudos from the boss.
- there is nobody else I would rather wake up to each day.
- I am beautiful, even in the morning when I have matted hair and raccoon eyes. :)
- I can let someone take care of me; it feels good.
- respect is the most important ingredient in any relationship.
- guy humor is actually funny sometimes.
- ok, bacon is good. (So much for my vegetarian leanings.)

There's so much more. I just wanted to mark this day.

Love is the thing...

Holidays: First year quiet moments

For the past several years, I have tried not to get too sucked into holiday "busy-ness." I keep my shopping to a minimum, say no to about half the party invitations I receive, don't pressure myself to cook elaborate meals...

This year, I have felt an extra strong need to simplify and just enjoy quiet moments in life. Those quiet moments are especially important with C. It is our first Christmas together as a married couple and that is incredibly important to me.

Everyone says that Christmas is for the children. Honestly, I disagree.

Sure, children get excited for Christmas lights, Santa and presents. It is sweet and nice to watch, but this time of year can also be nice for the grown-ups among us. Who says we can't enjoy this time of year after we have passed a certain young age?

As an adult, this season is about moving out of darkness and into light. (The Winter Solstice is today and the days will begin to get longer again - I love that.)

It is about celebrating the beauty and blessings in our lives. This year, I am celebrating my new marriage, my love for C. and the opportunities for growth this past year has brought me -- in addition to the constant blessings of my wonderful family and dear friends.

After Christmas is done, the year winds down and it is a time to welcome new beginnings. This past year has brought so much love into my life and so much change - some challenging and some exciting - and I can't wait for what the next year will bring.

I have been racking my brain trying to come up with new traditions that C. and I can share as a couple, but haven't come up with much.

However, we have shared a few very sweet moments that will help make this first holiday season together a wonderful memory. We decorated our self-cut Christmas tree alone together after Jonah* was asleep one night. It was almost meditative - the two of us quietly selecting and placing ornaments together during a quiet evening.

This past Saturday, we attended a Winter Solstice celebration downtown. It was a nice change of pace from the typical holiday events - eclectic world music and a relatively small group of people sharing the joy of the season. C. and I settled into a back corner of the room, which was illuminated by red and white Christmas lights. We drank dark beer and mead (honey wine, yum), held hands, snuggled,  enjoyed the excellent people-watching and listened to the music. It was a quiet moment for us to connect and just BE as individuals and as a couple.

I have tears in my eyes thinking about it. It was a simple and powerful moment that I will treasure.

So, I wish everyone a God Jul (good yule in Swedish), a Merry Christmas and a new year full of light, peace and new beginnings.




* name changed