I have always been a believer that genuine happiness is found in the countless little things we encounter every day. Joy can be found in a rainstorm. Love can transpire with a fleeting touch. Those little moments can be easy to miss; but, once you tune into them, your life can change.
***
I am newly married to a wonderful husband and a stepmom to two kids. These three people in my life are inspiring new daily reflections and challenges.
For the past several days, a persistent bird has started his (mating?) song well before the sun comes up -- and well before C. or I would like to be awake. Today, it is dumping rain, but he was still out there cheeping. I imagine a little, puffed up bird trying to hide under whatever leafless branch he can find at this time of year...
Well, C. jokingly threatened to shoot it with a BB gun. (I love birds, there's no way I would let him.)
I just said, "It's pouring rain, and he's still singing."
C.'s Facebook status this morning told me that he got it. A quote: "Some birds sing when the sun shines bright. My praise is not for them but the one who sings in the dead of night. I raise my cup to him. Some flowers bloom when the green grass grows. My praise is not for them but the one who blooms in the bitter snow. I raise my cup to him." - Anais Mitchell
Indeed. Here's to all the birds singing in the rain.
I am starting week two of a 30-day challenge to say only positive things to and about my husband.
The challenge encourages vocalizing thanks and praise for all the good things your spouse does - large and small - every day.
I have always believed in focusing on the bright side. When life is particularly challenging, the bright side for me is often found in the smallest pleasures of everyday life. However, it is still far too easy to fall into the trap of negative thinking.
Making a conscious effort to be grateful and vocalize thanks to your spouse every single day forces you to seek out the positive. Some days, it's a bit of a stretch; but I have found something positive to say every day to C. or to my friends and family about C. The result is an overall increased feeling of goodwill, love and affection for my husband.
I believe this practice can be applied to every aspect of life, and I plan to challenge myself to do just that. Work. Stepmotherhood. Commuting. Even the kids' mom (yikes, that will be a challenge; but it will be worth it if it will help me let go of some anger related to her).
Here's a little jazz positivity break to get you in the mood:
Today is the two-year anniversary of my first date with C. I remember how I felt when he laughed at a joke I made -- I will always remember the way he smiled and his eyes lit up.
Last week was the six-month anniversary of our marriage. I remember telling my dad before we went down the aisle, "This is my wedding." I beamed as C. shared his beautiful self-written vows with me. I am so lucky.
I have learned so much more from C. than any other romantic partner I have had. He has shown me that:
- love is not reserved for the very young; people with a little more wear on the tread and a little history can find true love together (and I think in a lot of ways, we cherish it a bit more). - love survives disagreements and different perspectives. - honesty is truly the best policy; I don't have to hold back, I can say what I feel and show who I really am. - that a hug or simple touch can smooth over even the worst day. - I can trust someone - he has my back and I have his. - being partners sometimes means helping the other person face the uncomfortable in the name of growth. - dreams are better when shared.
- there is so much more to life than work; we have more to accomplish in this life together than earning kudos from the boss. - there is nobody else I would rather wake up to each day. - I am beautiful, even in the morning when I have matted hair and raccoon eyes. :) - I can let someone take care of me; it feels good. - respect is the most important ingredient in any relationship. - guy humor is actually funny sometimes. - ok, bacon is good. (So much for my vegetarian leanings.)
There's so much more. I just wanted to mark this day.
Happy New Year, everyone. Ringing in a new year always excites me and always makes me reflect on the past one.
I had an excellent 2009 -- the economy, the politicians, the media and world chaos be damned. It began with a proposal of marriage from C. at 12:01 on January 1, 2009. It ended with a new year's kiss from my husband (yes, C. -- I did say yes) at 12:00 January 1, 2010.
The year 2009 taught me:
~ Surprises are just as exciting as an adult as they were in childhood. C.'s proposal was the best surprise I have ever received and he is the best gift I have ever been given.
~ There are so many more important things to worry about, so stop stressing about the small things. When I look back to my 2009 freak-outs about save-the-date cards, bridesmaid dresses and refinishing my kitchen cabinets, I just have to shake my head in shame. The year brought many more important events and challenges that were worth my time.
~ Small things matter. Don't stress about them, but enjoy them. Every single day is full of simple, small gifts just waiting to be enjoyed. All it takes is a little patience and attention to notice and savor them.
~ Love is reborn every single day. Don't stop telling your spouse how much you love him/her after the vows have been said. Daily reminders in actions and in words can truly make the difference between a happy marriage and an unhappy one.
~ Time is the best gift. Don't squander it. Use it well. Share it with the people you love first and then carefully choose how to spend the rest.
~ Children are loud. :) They are also full of unfiltered joy, wonder, curiosity, energy and simple wisdom. We have much to learn from them.
~ You can choose who is important in your life. The naysayers, the back-stabbers and everyone who wishes you ill need not occupy your thoughts for a half second. Choose to give your energy to the people who deserve it.
~ Getting older is liberating. On New Year's Eve this year, I was dressed in warm trousers, boots and a long, heavy coat. The 22-year-olds were dressed in barely-there plunging minis and not even a sweater -- let alone a coat. I was thrilled to be the older, warmer one. ;) I wouldn't go back for a minute.
~ Learning new things keeps your heart young. I received my SCUBA certification a couple of weeks before our wedding and went on my first official dive on our honeymoon in Hawaii. I can't even explain the feeling of swimming right by a shark and watching giant green sea turtles sleeping underwater. SCUBA was waaayyyy outside my comfort zone, and I am so glad I stuck it out.
~ You are stronger than you think. You are, trust me.
~ Accept that you don't know everything -- and that you don't have to. Nobody has a secret playbook for life. Enjoy the figuring it out as you go along, accept the mistakes, learn the lessons and keep placing one foot in front of the other.
~ Your heart has room for everyone. Love is not a finite resource. Let yourself connect to new friends and new people. Life grows in proportion to the growth of love in all its forms.
Here's hoping that 2010 brings many good lessons and many gifts for us all. Enjoy it!
A good cup of coffee has been one of my favorite little things since I was a senior in high school. We used to drive downtown to this funky coffee shop called Paris on the Platte and order a pitcher of Mexican coffee - heavy on the foam and cinnamon. Mmm, yum.
It wasn't just about the coffee, though - it never has been. Some of the best conversations of my angsty teenagehood happened over those pitchers of coffee (with the scent of Cloves cigarettes in the background -- I didn't smoke, but it was part of that cafe's signature atmosphere in the 90s).
There is just something about sitting down with a friend over a cup of coffee (or tea, or milk, or whatever drink strikes your fancy). It forces you to slow down, wrap your hands around the cup, and meet the eyes of the person across the table.
For me coffee = conversation. Even when I have a cup of coffee alone, it slows me down long enough to have a "conversation" with myself. It gives me five or 10 minutes to recenter and reconnect.
Since I got married a little over a month ago, my husband and I have started a nice morning tradition. He wakes up first and starts a pot of coffee. He checks e-mail or goes outside while I am getting ready upstairs, but he comes in and sits down with me at the table when I come into the kitchen.
Then, silently or with simple conversation, we share a cup of coffee. It is now the favorite part of my day.
